On Dating and a Broken Heart

"Knowing that you are living between the already and the not yet tells you where you are located in God's story of redemption...Already God has given us his Word as our guide. Already he has sent his Son to live, die and rise again for our salvation. Already he has given us his Spirit to live within us. But the world has not yet been restored. Sin has not yet been completely eradicated. We have not yet been formed in the perfect likeness of Jesus. Suffering, sadness, and death are not yet no more. It is hard to live in the middle, but that is exactly where we live. We live in a world that is still sadly and terribly broken."
-Paul David Tripp

There are many examples of how this world is fallen, but right now the area of marriage is foremost in my mind. God created man then He created woman because it wasn’t good for the man to be alone. God created women to bring glory to Him through being wives and mothers. Getting married though or even meeting a Christian guy is quite difficult.

WORLD magazine recently printed several articles on dating and marriage that reminded me I am not alone in waiting for a husband. One female student was quoted as saying, “I am extremely frustrated by the dating process. I’m traditional. I believe in the man asking the woman out. Women don’t get asked out.” The article continues with quoting Ellyn Arevalo, “They don’t ask anyone out. It is alternately frustrating and extremely painful. Your hands are tied.” I have experienced this even with on-line dating. Men simply don’t initiate and so the wait gets very long.

Then one day a guy did ask and I was absolutely thrilled. He is a Christian, likes to read, didn’t play video games and treated me so well. I have been on a lot of first dates and turned many guys down, but this one was different. I actually liked him. He said he would meet my family, we dated for a couple months, talked about marriage and then he sent a text to say he was moving on. In the end I think it came down to one issue that I didn’t realize was an issue until shortly before he sent the text. Having been so careful about dating it was completely unexpected to end up with a broken heart.

Even though I liked him a great deal I never let my standards for physical purity down and to his credit he never pressured me. For that I am thankful. I felt bad that we even held hands. That was something I had saved and I gave it away to someone that I didn’t end up marrying. If we had kissed it would have been more difficult.

The hardest part to get over was being emotionally attached to him. “If you are dedicated to emotional purity, you are afraid. You either risk nothing or you risk everything.” (Hannah Farver, as quoted in WORLD Magazine) I didn’t mean to date, for so long, someone I wasn’t going to marry. Casual dating is not what I do, so I was attached. In the end that made it a hard fall.

So, what is a girl to do? Always risking nothing is not an option if you want to get married. I didn’t go into this relationship thinking it was short term. I went into it asking myself if I would marry him and when the answer was yes then I risked it.

The following are dating principles that will help keep the heart aches to a minimum and leave you the most to give your husband.

Wait until you are ready to marry to date.

Only date a Christian and be sure to ask how they believe you are saved.

Talk more than you text.

If you are going to hold hands save the rest for after you are engaged and married.

Spend time in real life situations (visiting family and engaging in conversation).

If you wouldn’t marry them then don’t date them.

Let a gentleman be a gentleman – allow him to open doors and do others thing to treat you like a lady. Thank him and be respectful.

Wait for a godly man – he will be more than worth it.

Settling for someone who is rude, pressures you in unbiblical ways and doesn’t treat you well is not a good idea.

Guard against thinking that there is always someone better. Once you are married you will not want thoughts like that in your mind and they start from dating around.

Keep your relationship always before the Lord in prayer.

Should you need to end the relationship refrain from sending a text. Take someone with you or call if that will not work. Even though texting is common it is not a kind way to end a relationship.

There are regrets I have about this relationship. I didn’t catch that there was something we needed to talk about and I did not pray consistently about it. Yet by God’s grace nothing happened that I would be ashamed to tell you and for that I am grateful.

It is overwhelming to be back waiting for my husband, however, God works all things for the good for those that love Him – even long waits!

“The real things haven’t changed.

It is still best to be honest and truthful;

to make the most of what we have;

to be happy with simple pleasures;

and have courage when things go wrong.”

~Laura Ingalls Wilder